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ONE YEAR TO LIVE-A vision gives me one year to live as of may 13th 2002: this Journal is how I deal with that! one year to live

one year to live
October 26th, A dream event shows me that I will live till late 2011 or early 2012, then I will leave with the rest of much of humanity, at the "END, this dream states"! [a collective massdeath event of some kind, probably!] ---yet another Extension, now living *way* beyond my [apparently] pre-birth setup Life Plan! Stay Tuned!

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Monday, January 13, 2003
 
9:39 AM
anti hip-hop....rap?!

there was, for me, a very interesting incident over the weekend! Tis amazing how from such a little event, can there be SO much linked with it, and Questions asked! But one has got to NOTICE such "little" events first!
On the saturady bus, i sat near a guy who rides the bus a lot: i know little about him except that i see him a lot. someone *might* say that he is a bit "retarded"; he has a physical disibility, at any rate. His personality seems to be "sweet' but a bit "fundamentalist" in slant.
well, on this bus day, as the bus sat in the station with the driver on a three minute break, the driver's radio was loud enough for all to hear and the local station was playing HIP-HOP/RAP music.
This guy opened his mouth and LOUDLY says....."Nothin but FILTH"! it was the *way* he pronounced the word "filth" that
struck me, sports fans! that word had a tone of absolute objectiveness, like..."Alaska is cold in the winter', or..."ripe tomatoes are red"!

later....off the bus, i pondered what i might say to him if i saw him again and ...yes, he sometimes sits near me in the mall on sunday "pizza day"! and, yes, there he was, the next day.

I TRIED to talk to him: i found out that he goes to a charasmic baptist chuch. he told me..."nothing but filth: isnt it O_B_V_I_O_U_S?! can't you tell by the Tone?"!!

what could i say: he was utterly utterly CORRECT!!

there is, however, a *vast* difference between being "correct' and being "True"!!

here is a fundamentalist christain who tries to be sweet and he is somewhat "innocent" in life, to him, this music is utterly obnoxious, to HIM, rightly so! but i would have to ask him, and i was utterly unable to, due to his religion-set, and also his "young-soulness", to ask him of other things....

.....say: if i read in the paper that someone was stabbed by a knife outside of a bar at 10 PM, last night....do i say that all knives are evil?! "rap" is a kind of music, and it is the "messeger", not the "messege".
thus, what this guy heard was one singer's messege: rap is a wonderfull way for someone to say his say, to one and all....

and the messege?
why if one grew up in the "ghetto" where *every* sidewalksquare has a dried bloodstain on it, and his mother has three other kids, each by a different, not present, father; and his mother Drinks, and her boyfriend does crack and beats both he and her up once per week at least.....why he would Have a Messege that is *not* nice to hear!
we better hear it!! it is our "middle/upper-class-shadow", our collective backsides...how we treat those who are of "the poor"!
maybe they have a right to be angry!!
and IF it is truly that they are of a "criminal young soul mind".....

why oh why is there NOT a cirriculum set up for to Grow properly these Young souls into "old soulness"?

what rap messeges Tell me...is that there are no TRELLESSES or ARBORS or rope-stringings, in our culture, in our educational system, for our garden-of-lives.......for the vines and the roses and the tomato plants to climb up upon, so that their fruits can ripen in the sun! instead the fruits just sit on the wet muddy ground and then ROT!!

how can parents try to get every bit of OFFENDING culture biases out of our schools and then wonder why the kids have no Directions or lifepaths?!

-like that faded bumper sticker that i saw in 1996 Ithaca, new york!
GET THOSE XMAS CAROLS *OUT* OF OUR SCHOOLS!!...in the tone of...."get filth out of our lives"!!!!

so all those rap messeges that he dislikes , are from people who have no "trellisses", And They Are Angry.

Also!
this critic cannot even feel how he, being "disabled" and "retarded/autistic", surely gets the 'short end of the social stick" in each and every social encounter!! surely he Knows how that he can never never stand as a social equal, in a goup of creative college grads or business people! he always is on the outside, living on SSI or Disibility pensions of some kind. he comes across as about 15 year old, even if he is about 30!
surely he can feel how many people look down on him and reject him and girls?....forget about a Relationship!

yes, probably he represses all the "bad stuff that people did to him"...if only to ignore him or deny him to thier social circle, over
the years....he having perhaps an IQ of 70 and mildly Autistic to boot!
Radical thought: that it is his OWN anger that he cannot deal with, his own anger, of the 20+ years of being treated as a social outcast, that he shuts up in the closet and "forgets"...thus he might see that anger in a Rapper, and deny it. deny his own anger.
I wonder what RAGE lies within this "sweet mild-mannered" man?!
twenty years or more of a million slights and denials and taunts and teases!!
as a Xian, he cannot permit himself to "let it all out"! oh no......to live the life of denial....that Is The Way!! and everyone in his fundamentialist church is probably right *with* him, in the same mind-set!!

no wonder he Dislikes Rap: he may well dislike himself: BOTH he and the singer are "social outcasts" and "mis-treated" by everyone!!


posted by freestone wilson at 9:39 AM

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